Don't Waste Today Looking Backward

This is my 3rd (maybe 4th) attempt at writing this piece. I have put down several paragraphs only to highlight and delete it all. I know what I want to convey. I know the piece I want to read, but I am unable to find the words I need to get the idea across.

“I can’t wait until things get back to normal,” or “Life was better when everything was normal.” Normalcy is often, if not always, a memory. We think back with fondness about a time when things were better and life was easier. The issue rests in the memory itself. Part of the human condition is to cleanse our memories. We blot out the parts we don’t care for or that are painful and we add gloss to the good parts. This is fine until we go seeking after normal.

The problem with looking for things to be "normal"

The problem is we are wasting today looking backward for normal or looking forward for better. Use today to celebrate the joys of today. Use today to have the absolute best today you can have. Not a better day or a worse day. Simply the best today you can have.

We are always looking ahead or behind us

It is easy to become so focused on looking forward to better days or getting back to normal that we lose sight of the blessing in front of us. We do this throughout our lives until we get older and then we begin to look backward. We look forward to being in school, like the big kids. We yearn to be of age to drive. Then we look to being of age to drink. 21 if you are in the United States, a huge milestone. We look forward to college or marriage or a career.

Then one day, we wake up to stare 57 in the mirror and wonder where the days and months and years went. I am exceedingly blessed in that I have done almost everything I have ever wanted to do. I can honestly say that I have lived nearly every moment to its utmost limit and then squeezed just a bit more out.

Focusing on appreciation and gratitude

But this year I have caught myself wanting to get back to normal, pre-pandemic. Then I stopped and took stock. This year has made the time I spend with loved ones sweeter. It has made Zoom dinners and Facetime chats fun. Even trying to have a family game night over several laptops and phones and tablets has been both a disaster and a huge laugh. I was tempted to look forward to “normal” until I realized how much more appreciative I am of those I hold dear since I have been unable to hold them as often.

Choosing to find joy despite bladder cancer

In the same manner, cancer can be a dark abyss. A driving force to push us to seek a return to normal. That, or it can be the catalyst that awakens us to the sweetness of a hug or the splendor of a moment shared with a friend.

As best as you are able, make an effort to find a blessing in your cancer today. Just one, just for today. Then repeat the quest tomorrow and the tomorrow after that. Cancer can be a dark abyss or it can be an opportunity to search for the sweetness that lives in every day. Most days, it can be both but we must work to see the joy. Put in the work and the joy, no matter how small, is worth the effort.