a man and a woman sitting together at a kitchen counter

Just Sit With Me

People mean well. They are just trying to be positive and encouraging. Their words of solace and encouragement and compassion come from a wonderful place. They speak out of their desire to make me feel better. I get all that. I really, really do. That said.

I have been inundated with information

Just sit with me. I have doctors and nurses. I have heard the prognosis. We have discussed the possible outcomes, both pros and cons. I have read and listened to and prayed over. I appreciate your words, but most of all I need someone who will just sit with me.

Let me process at my own pace

Let me muddle through and trip and fall. Let me cry and scream and cuss. Please do not tell me things will get better. They may and then again they may not and we both know it. Please do not remind me how much worse things could be. This is not a contest. I need to make today the best today I can have.

I don't need to compare my cancer to anyone else

I don’t need to be compared to anyone for degree of illness. There was a door at grandma’s house that we all got lined up on and measured. We would all compare who was taller at what age. This isn’t that kind of thing. I do not need anyone to stack up my sickness against someone else’s. This is me, and I am the only me there is.

Just listen

I need you to sit with me. Just sit. No suggestions. No well-intentioned wisdom. No tale of how your neighbor had a cat groomer with exactly the same things and she is fine. Listen when I talk about my fears. I am not asking you to fix them or make them vanish. I am asking you to just sit with me and listen.

Let me talk about things other than cancer

Let me talk about the weather and the spring birds. Talk with me about our shared interests and your normal everyday stuff. If I don’t bring up my illness, be understanding and let me have a few moments of normal, non-cancerous, chatting. If I need some silence, sit with me. Your willingness to sit with me in silence speaks volumes about your love for me. Your willingness to just sit, hold my hand if I extend it - this is what I have the hardest time finding and what I most need.

I struggle with anxiety

This is a struggle for me. I am overwhelmed at times. I am scared. My anxiety can be crippling. There are days when I am flooded with cancer information and concerns. Folks ask me what they can do. How can they help? What do I need?

A nod or a smile is enough

I need people who will just sit with me. Sit with me, with no expectations. Sit with me and be a willing listener. A nod or a smile is enough. There will be time for making suggestions and asking questions. There will be meetings with all manner of professionals. We will sit in stark white rooms and speak in hushed voices. There may come dark days with hard decisions. On the other hand, there may be days of rejoicing and laughing.

But for today, just sit with me.

By providing your email address, you are agreeing to our privacy policy.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The BladderCancer.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Join the conversation

or create an account to comment.

Community Poll

How long did you wait before telling others about your diagnosis?