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a woman standing with all of her care packages

Surviving Cancer with My “Online Friends”

Like many in my generation, I have “real” friends – people whom I’ve met in person — and “Facebook” friends – people with whom I’ve only spoken online. At the time of my bladder cancer diagnosis, I was a member of a private Facebook group with a dozen other like-minded Catholic moms. Most of us only knew each other online, but nonetheless, we shared intimate, personal information when we needed support and prayers. When I started noticing blood in my urine, they were the first ones I confided in.

They assured me it was probably nothing

All of them offered prayers and assured me it was probably nothing to be worried about. As women and mothers, we’re used to our bodies undergoing bizarre and rapid changes thanks to hormones, or pregnancy or breastfeeding. Blood in urine wasn’t normal, but there were seemingly hundreds of different explanations as to why I could be seeing it. They went through the reasons like a litany – UTI, kidney stone, a cyst. When I Googled my symptoms and mentioned offhandedly that it could be cancer, they reassured me. At my age, with my health history, cancer would be so unlikely.

They let me grieve and process the news

On the day of the cystoscopy, the group prayed during my appointment. After the urologist told me that the tumors growing on my bladder were almost certainly cancer, I logged onto Facebook while my husband drove us home in stunned silence. I told the group, and they were equally stunned. “What am I going to do?” I kept asking. “How am I going to tell my mom?” They let me grieve and process the news in a torrent of posts, and it was a blessing and a relief to tell someone – or several someones – who was removed from the situation, who could offer support and not be swallowed up in grief alongside me.

I had people who truly cared for me

Simply having a place to process the news was an incredible blessing. But over the next week, my “Facebook friends” managed to bless me even more. As I cried and researched and scheduled my TURBT surgery, unmarked packages from Amazon started trickling into my house – a cozy pair of socks, tea, face masks, and tiny toys and movies to keep the kids occupied while I cried. One day, I opened up a package and started cry-laughing: Inside was an enormous yellow plush in the shape of a bladder. Every single gift felt like a hug. Each time I filled up a mug with tea or put on my socks or cuddled up next to my stuffed bladder, I was reminded that I had people who truly cared for me.

Lessons I learned through cancer

Cancer was already starting to reveal some things to me, like how bad my anxiety and depression really was, and how unhealthy my lifestyle had become. But surprisingly, it also revealed that I was rich in friendship, and how crucial that support would be in making my way through such an isolating disease. Whether they’re friends you know in real life or friends you “only” know online, having survived cancer I can tell you that the very best ones are those that will stand beside you in your hour of need.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The BladderCancer.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • Faye
    1 month ago

    Thank you Sarah. I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to mention that support group here, but l had to try. It is so freeing to be able to get down to the nitty gritty information about the side affects and the after affects of the treatments we receive, without offending anyone. We all react differently from each other to those treatments, and it feels so good to know that you are not crazy, or not alone, when you are in these hellish places.
    Thank you for allowing me to post that site here for other women who are walking in my shoes. ❤️

  • Faye
    2 months ago

    Hi Sarah
    I have been living with bladder cancer since 2011 and l understand exactly what you are saying. I want to share with you a web site that l joined 18 months ago that has helped me immensely to cope with my recurrences. It is called Women Together Fighting Bladder Cancer and it is a wonderful sight. For women only, and you must be the patient! No family members, or support workers, are allowed to post, or to see posts on this site. The Moderator is living with bladder cancer too and is a member if the medical field. It has been such a great relief to me to be able to verbalize my feelings…be they physical, mental, emotional, or whatever…and find out that l am not alone in what l am going through at the time. We women members live in all parts of the world…and it amazing how we are treated in different parts of the world. But we all reach out to and support one another when we are in need and when others are in need. I invite you to check it out and see if we are a good fit for you.
    We stand beside each other and up for each other all around this world. ❤️❤️

  • Sarah Wallin moderator
    1 month ago

    Hi @faye, that sounds like such a lovely support group you are part of. I’m glad that it has helped you cope with recurrence and whatever may come your way. Thank you for sharing about it here! -Sarah (BladderCancer.net Team Member)

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