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Having Parkinson's and being married for 50 years. my husband stated I was not the one he wanted to marry/ and NO SEX !

What do I do now that I have Parkinson's and married 50 years, find out that I was not the one he wanted to marry. I have been in a sexless relationship for some time. I asked 2 questions 1. Before I die would you allow me to have an affair with someone I cared for ?? He answers NO ! 2. My therapist suggested an " Open Marriage.. Can we do this ? Answer No ! Then he indicated that we would try to be happy and make the rest of our lives happy . Now what should I do. I have always loved him and been there for him in a crisis.

  1. hi there. Sorry you are having a hard time. Are you going through bladder cancer treatment currently? Laura, Moderator, BladderCancer.net

    1. Hopefully not ever. We have been through at least 5 surgeries. And of course I will always be there for him.

      1. that is a lot of treatment. Sorry I misunderstood. Is it your husband who had Bladder Cancer? How is he now? Laura, Moderator, BladderCancer.net

    2. He had found some blood in his urine about 6 days ago. However , it was the first day only. I thought he should make an appointment with his Urologist ASAP. Since then he has a Cat Scan. ( As you know one does not necessarily know if blood is in the urine because often times it is so light , one would not know and thereby not check in with a Dr. ) My opinion is that he is a survivor by nature and won't give in to any malady. Also good news for folks and their relationships. Even with bladder cancer there is a solution. As I tried to understand this terrible thing they call cancer. If one in addition to cancer has the following : depression, stress, alcoholism, illicit drug usage , fatigue , low testosterone, Diabetes, relationship issues likely you will have a low libido. However, all of this has a solutions. .Some of the answers might be the individual may have " Hydrogen fact sheet, " where the gonads produce little hormones. Androgen deficiency " Hence in all of these cases some of the solutions are : oral medications, ( i.e. Viagra, Tadalafil, Vardenafil, Avanafil } Alprostadil self injection, Alprostadil urethral suppository and Testosterone replacement .If the med.s don't work there are : Penis Pumps, penile implants , exercising vigorously and psychological counseling. It is important of course to consult a doctor what effective treatment is foy YOU ! I concluded if one is WILLING. you will find your answer. Note I said the word : " WILLING. " you will find the answer that best suits you.

      1. wishing him well with the results of the scan. Take care. Laura, Moderator, BladderCancer.net

      2. Hi , it sounds like you are looking for some guidance on how to go about solving some intimacy issues or reluctance on the part of your spouse - is that correct? If so, talk therapy and marriage counseling can be a huge help in hearing the concerns of either party and working through them. You are obviously aware of the many options for "performance," but I can certainly understand your concern. Intimacy is such an important part of our marriages, but sometimes intimacy can look like other things rather than sex, such as holding hands, hugs, snuggles, and so on. Thinking of you! Amanda (BladderCancer.net Team Member)

    3. Thank you. You are very correct. However, in coming from a dysfunctional family in the first place, is it any wonder that not being or knowing true love is a problem which can be helped by a therapist. Both partners must agree to therapy. Otherwise in my case I feel unloved since my partner refuses therapy and the therapy we have had in the past has been useless. The key in my opinion is to find an expert in the field. You are right in saying holding hands etc. But what do you do when one does not even like to be touched ? Presently I am having therapy. I am trying to seek answers. If a partner refuses then the other must go to find some kind of peace and relief from stress etc. Thank you. Have a happy life and 3 cheers to your spose ?

      1. Best of luck to you, . I hope you and your spouse can work towards a resolution that is fulfilling for you. Sending you hugs, Amanda (BladderCancer.net Team Member)

      2. @Communitymember640 - I wish you and your husband well in figuring out a solution that will work for you. Having a disease which can blind side us or come out of nowhere can be mentally debilitating and cause us to do and say things without thinking them through. We may push out our anger or fear onto others without realizing the pain we may cause by doing that. I hope you are able to find help and figure out together the best way to move forward. My best to you both. Linda Urbanski ( moderator, Bladdercancer.net team member)

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